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There never was suffering. And the fullness of life seems to be found in the willingness to be exposed and wrong. Tamas is dull and violent. And if we want to say that there is truth, if we want to give a name to it, that is fine. We could call it, dare I say, happiness. And more and more it seems like a play. This may just be his time. I read everything I could get my hands on. The image of the one who woke up through this seeing. But the objections happen with complete ease. I thought it was something to aspire to.

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Portfolio Your stories Home. However, once it became conscious, it unraveled. Having gotten so many tastes of those things that I thought I wanted, I now realize that the real gift is the gift that is always here. What I started to see was two very significant points, though I never formulated it as such until just now. Because I could never figure out perfectly what feeling good was or what I really wanted. Not in the casual sense of obsessed. Like a kind of dawning of something that I was faintly aware of, but now it is brighter. But it is to recognize that simultaneously, there exists the domain — what my friend, John Veen , calls the vertical context. Like fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, worry, jealousy, etc. Then, through the course of life and the misery of pitting the real me against myself for years — the exhaustion, the physical illness all of the fighting produced — I started to realize that I was doing this.

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So much so that I actually recall instances in which I wished in horror that myself would get cancer and die a painful death. And this domain is timeless and knows nothing of problems or solutions. Not even from the most frightening aspects of life. I mean, the animal survived. It just reveals something of the nature of that dream domain. And I cannot possess enough time and thought to figure it all out. And because it seems so real in its impermanence.